O2 Network Crash Leaves Thousands Breathless

Thousands of people nationwide have been left with no O2 service and are now consequently left suffocating to death.

Scientists are desperately seeking a solution to this lack of Oxygen – plans to mix the 3 network with O2 have produced the O5 molecule. This, of course, is no good as when inhaled the O5 chemical merely turns people into Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen lookalikes. Never have so many people died on such ornately crafted deathbeds.

Martin Martin, Health and Safety Director for O2, admitted to making a mess of things and pledged to stay on and resolve the crisis. ‘I have made a mess of things and pledge to stay on and resolve the crisis’ he said whilst fixed up to a crude Lebara Mobile Ventilator.

It is understood that Fern Cotton will be hosting a Relief special on BBC3 this Friday. This will include interviews with survivors of the Red Blood CellNet crash of 1999. Fern is currently rehearsing in front of a broken mirror.