We all love Muller Corners. And we all know the best way to eat them don’t we? Say, for example, that you have a Strawberry Muller Corner. You peel back the lid, mix up the yoghurty bit (thus removing the thick coving that has developed around the lid), then deploy the Strawberry.

Now. The best way to do this is to take a single dollop and place it carefully in each of the three corners of the yoghurt; then you simply place the remaining Strawberry in the centre.  You’ve gotta have a system.

 If this is done properly then 99 times out of 100 it will produce an inverted British Isles. An inverted British Isles but, crucially, minus Northern Ireland. Right now you think I’m mad don’t you? Like one of those people who sees Jesus in a bit of Toast? Or Simon Cowell with a lady? Well I’ve taken a photo to clarify what I mean and I’m sure it will be familiar. Here you go.


Plainly Northern Ireland is missing. Isn’t this almost exactly what The IRA wanted? Is this a piece of Irish Republican propaganda in a healthy yoghurt form? 

In the 1970’s The IRA were at their height. They were decent British Terrorists who didn’t want to be British.

Being a serious journalist I asked The Real IRA for a comment; they declined of course – the fear and disappointment evident in the whispering Irish voice as he realised I was onto him.

So I spoke to The Fake IRA instead. They released the following statement:

 ‘Yes it is true. We are using Muller Fruit Corners to create a separatist united independent Irish free state; I just asked my boss to be sure. The Terrorism market has become saturated with Al-Qaueda and Fathers 4 Justice – even Coldplay have gone Paramilitary of late. We re-evaluated our strategy; what is our market position? What’s our U.S.P? People don’t like Bombs but they like Yoghurt with fruit preserve in it that is actually one of your five a day. It is an original idea – rumours that we got it from Banana Republic are totally unfounded. And yes we do take responsibility for Crunchie Nut Clusters, Fuse Bars, Jaeger Bombs and those little chocolate things that fizz and taste explosive.’

 Now you can say what you like about the IRA, at least they are getting their message across in a healthy and safe manner and providing you with one of your 5-a-day. So much better than that Muslim lot with their cancer-giving death to the west food propaganda of Processed Ham(as).

And that is why I prefer the IRA to Jihad.

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