Empathy For The Wealthy


Over the past week Osborne – George that is not Norman – slowly, proudly crept from his lair, 11 Downing Street. In his hand he held aloft a red briefcase as like Simba, it was his pride. Except, his red box symbolised the doom he was to wreak on the suspecting populace; suspecting as the British populace are born cynics. Osborne, in amidst a crowd of cameras began to wag his serpentine tongue. “Cuts, cuts and cuts” he announced with a fetish like enthusiasm.

The crowd of cameras began to mutter amongst themselves in wonder at what had been meant by the Chancellor. Sure, there was a cut to the 50p tax rate but that differed more than slightly to cuts made to the public sector and general government expenditure. One camera (man) piped up, “Didn’t you say the same thing last year Mr Chancellor?” the wiry framed (in build not in spectacles) camera man enquired. “Ahh yesss” hissed the Chancellor Osborne, “the lack of growth in our economy meansss everything is going to plan..”. It was all going to plan; the crowd of reporters silently murmured their approval.

Everything was of course going to plan for Osborne, he had spent days, nay, weeks planning the budget and framing the Lib Dems. He had grown particularly adept at the latter, though he was unsure whether it was due to his own nefarious skills or due instead to some sort of perverse, M@x M!sley-like* enjoyment of taking flak from the public by Nick ‘the bad egg’ Clegg. Either way, Osborne knew that it pleased him getting off scot-free from anything. It was good for his self-esteem, particularly after he had been sniggered at by Sarkozy the prior winter.

The Chancellor did hate that his budget had been painted as some sort of reverse Robin Hood scheme. That disparaged, in a back hand fashion, the hard work he had put in developing more intricate ways of squeezing the vulnerable. The public had already eaten up the poor man vs rich man argument years ago. This fact reminded George of the hilarious copy of Hello magazine, the contents of which he could not quite recall.

Either way, he was pleased that, quite quietly he had wrought perhaps the greatest change in the United Kingdom since the post-WW2 years, hopefully those he had spent time saving would return the favour just in case…**


*A super injunction prevents me throwing him under the bus using falsified information as he is not a Nazi merely a sex freak.

** All of this is funny in lieu of Pie-Gate, it is even funnier considering pie-gate kicked up a bigger fuss than the NHS’s disembowelment and the potential Big Brother-ing of our internets.