Here Comes The Sun
There’s not a great deal happening in the world is there? Nothing important like. All the great characters, genocides, wars, famines etc have been about as quiet as Michael Barrymore’s agent of late.
So The Sun has decided to basically make up some news to pass the day.
On the 30th of January 2012 there was loads of important issues prologuing and epilogueing along including something in Syria and probably Amanda Holden becoming the first lady to give birth ever and saving the future of the human race but it’s OK because she is oddly attractive and everyone has forgotten how she craved fame on Blind Date and killed Les Dennis.
Instead though, The Sun decided to completely fabricate a story about the new Preston North End Football Manager.
I have to admit I didn’t read The Sun on February the 6th 2012 (I was at the grand opening of a Premier Inn at Heathrow’s Terminal 5 which, surprise surprise, The Sun never afforded coverage too) but I recently saw this on an internet forum – it’s a cutting from The Sun that day:
‘’Graham Westley: An Apology –
An article on January 30 incorrectly stated that Graham Westley, Manager of Preston North End FC, had sent a bizarre late night text telling players to prepare for a 9/11 style terror attack and encouraging reaction to it.
We accept that Mr Westley sent no such text to players or otherwise. We are happy to set the record straight and apologise to Mr Westley and Preston North End FC.’’
Curiously, the link titles the page as ‘George Gibbs Apology’. As the committed Journalist I am (and I am a journalist; remember my piece about that Syrian thing yeah?) I began to wonder whether this ‘George Gibbs’ was the original writer of the article for The Sun.
I did a bit of research via Google (I can’t even access my own Voicemails let alone George Gibbs’s) and discovered that in actual fact, George Gibbs is the name of a retired musician who, in 2011, The Sun had to apologise to after accidentally suggesting he was a Paedophile by putting his name and face under a story about Paedophiles. George Gibbs was said to have suffered “very significant distress, humiliation and anxiety”.
So it is safe to assume that now The Sun relate any ‘apology’ to George Gibbs. As in The Sun have George Gibbsed Graham Westley.
This is all fine and good but what will happen if, for example, The Sun make up a story about the Swiss football side Young Boys (of Bern) and they get shirty and want an apology. Then The Sun will George Gibbs Young Boys and we’ll be back where we started and they will have to George Gibbs George Gibbs.
And what would happen if The Bee’Gee’s ever required an apology?
Anyway I digress. I’ve decided to make up some news stories a la The Sun anyway for your entertainment:
Titchmarch Tits Marsh… How erstwhile TV host Alan Titchmarch left his wife and family for the former glamour girl Jodie Marsh.
There’s A Man Who Works Down The Chip Shop Swears He’s Amy Winehouse… Admittedly not a catchy Sun-style headline.
Simon Cowell: I Kissed A Girl and I Liked It… It was Sinitta… 30 years ago…