In Conversation: Peter Pan

‘Eternal youth does have its setbacks – I can’t get into clubs.’

There was once a time when you couldn’t switch on the Telly without seeing Peter Pans effervescent smile, laughing and joking with his friends and battling Pirates. But he’s been in the wilderness of late; what has happened to everyone’s favourite child star? We’ve caught up with him to get the lowdown.

‘’Yeah I suppose I have been quiet of late. It sort of goes in peaks and troughs for me normally so I’m still quite relaxed about it really; just waiting for this whole vampire craze to blow over. Apparently James Corden is trying to get the funding for an updated Peter Pan version where I take on Abu Hamza. It’ll be nice to connect with a new generation but I do hope they don’t cast Rupert Grint.

I’ve just come back from an advisory UN role in Somalia and I’m currently living near Old Street. I had to move out after Michael Jackson died. Too many memories. Well yeah of course I was gutted. I had a ticket to see him at the O2.

Don’t get me wrong it has its advantages being ever-young; I’m like a living Polaroid and I look amazing. I went and saw Toy Story 3 and never once felt embarrassed. I still feel irked that they asked Robin Williams to play me.

But eternal youth does have its setbacks too. I can’t get into clubs. All my mates are on this grime-step craze you know, ware house raves ‘til 4 in the morning and I’m stuck in my tree house watching Take Me Out. I can’t even get fake ID; no-one wears green tights.

I had a dream the other night right that my front room was a night club, but I wasn’t allowed in because I had the wrong type of shoes.

All the lost boys are at uni now. I keep seeing pictures of Curly posing in front of a mirror taking photos of himself with his Samsung C3050. He’s on The Facebook at all hours posting these picture things that he’s like Googled or something, and then written a mildly amusing entirely un-generic De-Monfort pun over the top in Wordart. He never texts back. And Tinkerbell won’t talk to me since the shower incident.

I’m not really into the internet. I Googled myself last weekend and it was just vile. But not as bad as when I accidentally went on ‘’

Peter Pan is the new face of Jeggins and can currently be seen in the group dances on Dancing on Ice. 

sendawaythetigers are on Facebook now…