A Boy Named Sue

Apparently when my mum and dad were originally conceiving me I was to be loosely based on the performance of Chevy Chase in the Paul Simon curtain advert and the abstract emotion of joy, and as such I have remained a continuous disappointment to them to this day.

Remarkably for a pair with such a poor track record in human design, they then went on to create that difficult second son – my brother – to plan; mixing Rod Stewart’s Young Turks with Steven Gerrard. This was all the more remarkable given that Gerrard was, at the time, publically unrecognisable.

They did hit a slight snag in the factory however as they got the dimensions wrong; one of his legs is shorter than the other and the other is longer than the other. You should never scale off of the drawings.

Sasha’ is a 5 year old human, raised gender neutral; the intention being to ‘remove stereotypes’.

'Sasha' never cared much for it's name...

Basically for the 5 years in which Sasha had no distinguishable gender traits,  Sasha was referred to as ‘the infant’. It had a neutral yellow painted room and effectively was the youngest cross-dresser this side of Wee Jimmy Crankie.

Yeah. Little infant Sasha was a cross-dresser. It would get so angry at having nothing suitable to wear that It wouldn’t know whether to throw a girl-like tantrum or feign a blokey-‘oh it doesn’t matter I’m only going down the swings’-bravado.

Because surely gender is innate? You could tell me I’m a lady but I’m pretty sure I’d realise that I ain’t no lady. Although I would enjoy the sales at H&M for a while.

One of It’s parent said last week that “Stereotypes seem fundamentally stupid. Why would you want to slot people into boxes? Gender affects what children wear and what they can play with and that shapes the kind of person they become.”

Removing stereotypes and prejudice is the dream but there is an increasing amount of liberal lunacy that is making this ideal laughable; calling an actress an ‘actor’ if anything plays up to the stereotype that men are in control.

Is it (the concept not the child) fair on It (the child not the concept)? It (the concept) is basically a social experiment: is gender created by nature or nurture?

Stereotypically the Daily Malice has labelled it ‘lunacy’, whilst The Guardian has been quick to stand up for the idea and blame ‘those scared of the outcome’ rather than it’s proponents for the furore.

I normally support left-wing irrational lunacy; I sort of enjoy supporting the idealist underdog. But this is positively sci-fi and almost echoes Michael Crichton. In Jurassic Park, Dr. Ian Malcolm lambasts the idea of controlling creation. He says ‘life will find a way’ and he is of course right.

Life will find a way. Sasha will probably end up as a homeless heroin addicted syringe-wound riddled rent-boy. Who sleeps in the West End. Because they have Musicals there.

And then it will be up to people like me – the left-wing irrational lunatics – to support Sasha via charity donations and benefits. And by that point I will blame It’s upbringing and say ‘oh well It never had a fair chance…’ No wonder there is no feasible leftist movement in the UK eh? We’re our own worst enemies and the utopian idealist left-leaning idiot stereotype is one that will always be. It’s only fair I suppose.

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