A Man’s Best Friend

Oh she’s a gorgeous bitch, isn’t she? She’s been everywhere this week. Beautiful hair, from good stock, and filthy, stinking rich! An extremely desirable young lady. Who wouldn’t want a bit of her? She certainly is man’s best friend, if you know what I mean (*wink*wink*nudge*nudge*). Of course, it’s Rosie Redknapp we are talking about it. And no, Rosie isn’t the sexy alias Jamie demands Louise responds to…to keep it fresh!

Harry Redknapp stands charged with two counts of cheating the public revenue aka tax evasion. Hurrah! He’s sticking it to the man…those pesky tax men! Boo! We’re the man he’s cheating…rich people, start paying taxes properly! But anyways this is NOT an article about Harry, no it’s about his pedigree chum Rosie.

Rosie has an offshore account in Monaco; a lifestyle we can all but aspire to. If only we all had such rich parents. And like Harry, who this week stated he has the ability of a “two-year-old”, Rosie’s intelligence is on a par. It raises the question: is it worth dating a ‘dog’, just for the money?

Whilst we can also ask: can we trust this Hairy Red-knob? Because that’s what they call him, don’t they? Them football fans, in them terraces, on them Saturday Afternoons. It began when Portsmouth won the cup, didn’t it? Don’t you remember? The FA Cup. In 2008. Honest, they really did; oh the celebrations that followed. In such jubilation the Pompey faithful, sang as beautifully as them Military Wives: “There’s only one Harry Redknapp, one Harry Redknapp”. (Which is of course only a figure of speech; let’s not do them ‘Pompey boys’ any injustice; there’s definitely more than one). Yet, in their euphoria, the cheers, the cries, Harry didn’t hear did he; not properly. Through the muffled elation, he heard: “Can we see your Hairy Red-knob, see your Hairy Red-knob”. And with such revelry, all Harry could do was succumb to the South-Coast faithful. He stood in front of them; pulled down his little blue panties; and revealed what can only be described as a hairy, red knob. The name stuck. Although of course a hairy, red genitalia is not too unusual to the people of Portsmouth. In a recent study by the Portsmouth Hospitals NHS Trust, it has been on a steady incline since late-90s (possibly linked to the dominance of New Labour; it’s too hard to say).

Yet of course, to trust anyone with a large amount of your money can be difficult…let alone a four-legged furry mammal (that’s Rosie the Dog, not his wife…I’m sure she is genuinely lovely…not anyone could raise such a loveable young chap as Jamie). Rosie truly is a man’s best friend.

Quite clearly, Rosie Redknapp is the best dog in Britain…since Pickles the dog found the ‘lost’ World Cup in 1966, and Churchill the dog beat them pesky Germans. If Harry doesn’t want the England job (or if he isn’t allowed it for any reason…), will you have it, dear, dear Rosie? At least we know she won’t be doing it for the money.