A Billion Balconies Facing The Sun

I am addicted to the Facebook. I make sometimes several statuses a day. I take it to heart when people don’t ‘like’ them. I don’t know why and I am slightly ashamed. I’m also saddened at the fact I am no closer to passing my driving test, as a status about that guarantees 42 likes. I even know that the mere mention of ‘banter’ or ‘2K11’ draws 6 likes. I am a monster.

And yet recently I find myself falling out of love with the Facebook. I am a middle aged mother whose kids have left home to take pictures of themselves posing at uni in the beige corridors of study with curly haired people that cease to exist in the real world whilst my husband grows fat and works late.

But it is the new level of intimacy and intrusion that grates; namely the addition of Spotify and the Guardian.You can now also see not only how people act online but also how they think. With the invention of the side bar live-feed thing you can even see your friends talking to their friends. It completely eliminates the threat of being caught in the bushes outside.
Thanks to the Facebook I now know that Jordan Deane is always ‘up for a bit of paintballin’ and now whenever I see Jordan Deane I will look at Jordan Deane and think ‘Oh that’s Jordan Deane, He’s game for a bit of paintballin…’ 
So I’ve just deleted Jordan Deane as a ‘friend’ (never had a meaningful conversation with Jordan Deane) on here and will now cross the road whenever I see Jordan Deane.
That is in no way an attack on ‘JD’ by the way. If I were to do that there’d be far more interesting ways of doing it than attacking his penchant for ‘paintballin’, namely tattooed-fingers-in-the-till-snake. But it’s not an attack on ‘JD’ so there is certainly no need for that! (I’d probably slag off his hair if I was to do that too actually…)
I realise that last bit had a limited audience of about 4 people but I imagine you all know a ‘JD’.

I wouldn’t be surprised if the Yellow Pages soon features a ‘This Plumbers Favourite Colour’ section to help you decide which engineer to plump for.

Brian is a 47 year old plumber with an NVQ and over 26 years experience in domestic repairs. He is gas safe registered. Meanwhile Dave has none of that but he does enjoy long walks and the colour majenta despite feeling it is slightly too bold for his bedsit walls. Vote now.

Anyway I digress’ I am going to go get Spotify so everyone can see that I have such wonderful taste, and I am going to read the Guardian so everyone can see I am wonderfully intellectual and deep. I may even take a photo of myself posing in the mirror in skimpy shorts that I don’t quite have the legs for. Facebook Facades for the Faceless.

I will of course stick with the Facebook. It is a means to an end like democracy was to Hitler, and is the internet equivalent of sunglasses at a beach. Also I am particularly interested in the life of Chantelle Kate-Simper.