John Motson’s Social Commentary
Ideas are not my strong point. The Bacon Alarm Clock had already been done better than I could have (and indeed did) imagine, my designs for human wings were strictly grotesque (skin flaps) and my aim to introduce John Motson to Social Commentary was highly flawed. He is well racist.
And yet from despair I have created a foolproof plan that will help charity, integrate immigrants and provide light entertainment the likes of which have not been seen since the days of The Brittas Empire.
For the other day I saw an African mother wearing a Fruit and Loom t-shirt. I’ll repeat that to let it sink in (or you could simply re-read that last sentence if you would prefer). I saw an African lady wearing a Fruit and Loom t-shirt.
The t-shirt was bright blue and had a picture of an empty Pint on it, with two now immortal words – ‘I’m Wasted.’
I doubt for one minute she was; it’s not as if she was a white mother on public transport for example. Like I just said, she was an African mother; she had been shopping (ASDA) with her young son (name unknown). Yet seeing this t-shirt that I would normally expect to see on a yoof on Bravo TV: Lads on Tour 2K11 on this lady made me chuckle. It cheered me up even.
I was awestruck. I was inspired. I was everything Tony Blair wanted to be. I had solved Multiculturalism.
I instantly assumed (in much the same manner as Charles Darwin would have when he murdered Jesus Christ) that she’d bought the top second hand, perhaps from Oxfam maybe.
Now. If every man, woman and child bought a novelty/humorous t-shirt and quickly donated it to charity then immigrants could happily and cheaply buy them. Most people fear immigrants. But most people like comedy. A funny immigrant is therefore likeable. Ask Omid Djalili or Paddington Bear.
I’m thinking slogans like ‘Body of a God… Shame it’s a Buddah!’ Yes it’s old and borderline offensive. But a Buddhist won’t take it to heart! And a Xenophobe who sees an immigrant in this t-shirt will probably be the exact same person who finds it hilarious (unless of course he is a Zen-o-phobe).
Consequentially, Immigrants can consider themselves integrated, charity sales will naturally go up and the nation will be smiling.
Now can someone please put me in contact with Motty?