Animal Queendom

Now. Having been raised on a staple of wildlife shows, Michaela Strachan and various animal based cartoons (the animals of farthing wood, the racoons and quite possibly the moomins…) I like to think that I know my nature.

However as I, and regrettably Michaela, have grown older, I’m starting to unravel some great and often overlooked animal facts.

For example the Autumn is here and the nights are drawing in; one can’t help but notice the work ethics of Squirrels. Even the casual observer can see they work extremely hard sourcing and storing food for the long winter hibernation period. But most interestingly is that the younger squirrel generation are lazy; senior squirrels are left to do the bulk of the work. Clearly all the young are slacking off with their X-Box’s and The Facebook that you get nowadays. You could say they do absolutely ‘nuttin’. It’s all left to the older, visibly greying squirrels to ensure survival.

But it is gay animals that have really captured my child-like imagination. Police Horses are very camp. They stand in a classic camp pose with very effeminate posture. And when challenged they make a kind of ‘Ooh get back’ motion. I don’t know what it means. But what it means is they are camp. Obviously they are still strong and macho looking; they are the Gareth Thomas and Christian from Eastenders of the animal queendom.

But it’s not a phenomenon limited to horses. Is there anything camper than the warble of a penguin? We all remember Pingu trying on his mum’s clothes. And have you noticed Turkeys mince when they run? That ought to ruffle a few feathers.

Cats are often accused of being queer. They’re not. They’re just confident within their sexuality.

But perhaps the most curious case is polar bears. Rupert the Bear to be precise (and Rupert was a polar bear by the way; he was white and had a scarf because it was cold). When Rupert was younger, he used to have feelings for his school friend Michael. This made him sad because he was a bi-polar.